109 – A Messed-Up Face

Edited by Poor_Hero

When Shou came to, he found himself sleeping on his futon in his room. And outside the window he could hear birds chirping. This freezing coldness felt just like the early morning weather.

As he lay there, dazing for a bit as his brain began clearing up, he began to recall what happened last night. And then, Shou’s face went pale. Like how the floor beneath him just gave way.

…….He cried himself to sleep.

Even though he had finally proved himself to be of help to this house! Katsuo was surely bound to be stunned at his behavior.

Shou felt like crying again but he gritted his teeth and resisted it. It seemed like his eyelids were swollen due to over-crying yesterday, looking like it had soaked in all of his tears yesterday. Ignoring it, he got out of his futon and began washing up. The water flowing out of the tap was freezing cold, but that temperature was just right for the him right now.

Shou then headed towards the kitchen. Katsuo might not have thought much of it when he gave Shou his room but the kitchen was right next to his room.

He wanted to make Miso soup and grilled fish for breakfast but he realized that rice hadn’t been prepared. It was because he had cried himself to sleep yesterday. He had always prepared the rice for the next morning before he slept.

” ….No choice.. ”

Shou mumbled to himself before changing his clothes and after which he left the house. It would be bread for breakfast today.

 

 

” Shou….! Where had you been, idiot! ”

Once Shou entered the house, he was shouted at before getting wrapped in a hug by Katsuo.

” Eh…..Ka, Katsuo-san? ”

Shou was troubled. He must have done something wrong. What was it that he did? Thinking about it, he came to the conclusion that it was because he hadn’t made breakfast for today. His face paled as he apologized reflexively.

” I’m sorry! ”
” What are you apologizing for? ”

Katsuo released Shou from his arms as he asked Shou seriously. Seeing his face, Shou felt even more uneasy.

…….If this was to continue, I would be abandoned.

” I, I did not prepare today’s breakfast… ”

As Shou said with a trembling voice, Katsuo’s face changed.

” Come here. ”

Holding onto Shou’s hand, which had turned cold from going outside, Katsuo forcefully pulled him into the house.

 

 

” Where did you go? ”

After pulling Shou into the living room, Katsuo began asking.

” …… I went to the bakery to get bread for breakfast. ”
” I see. …..Sorry for suddenly shouting at you. But please, don’t go out without saying anything the next time. ”

…He thought Shou had run away and died outside or something like that. Since yesterday that happened. His inside really went cold when he couldn’t find Shou.

After waking up, he went to Shou’s room only to find him missing. To Katsuo, even though he had no idea why Shou was crying yesterday, he knew that it seemed like happy tears.

Shou had never ever been willful and on the contrary, he had tried to be of use to Katsuo ever since he was here. Katsuo had always thought that it was wrong.

It looked to him that Shou was afraid of being abandoned if he ever did anything wrong.

Shou might think that he would be hated by him (Katsuo) for losing himself like that yesterday. Children should be willful and caused troubles to adults. And adults would forgive those behavior and slowly guide and raise them up. This was what that was normal to Katsuo but he finally realized, today, that Shou might not be thinking about the same thing as him.

No wonder Shou had always been showing consideration inappropriate of his age. To read and pay attention to others without others noticing he was doing it was what adults usually did. Katsuo felt stupid for not noticing Shou’s behavior earlier.

But above all.

The reason for not having a heart-to-heart talk with Shou was because of his pride. He thought that since he had raised a kid before, Shou’s father, he would be able to do it again. [TN: Look how your son turns out….]

He had once thought that it would be better to not mention Shou’s mother since she just passed away but was that a good thing?

Finally realizing the problem, Katsuo felt like his heart was going to burst. What had he been doing as his guardian?

” Shou. ”

The left side of the Kotatsu had completely become Shou’s place. Shou seemed to like that seat because it was the closest to his room. After sitting Shou down at his seat, Katsuo looked straight at him, calling his name.

Shou, sitting in the just-started-so-it-was-only-slightly-warm Kotatsu, jumped a bit when he heard Katsuo said his name. Katsuo then sat down opposite of him.

As expected, Shou, looking like he was scared of something, glanced at Katsuo.

” Shou? ”

Maybe his shout from earlier affected Shou more than he thought. Katsuo tried again, using a gentler tone.

” ….Ye… Yes. ”

The tiny voice was trembling. With the urge to click his tongue, Katsuo managed to squeeze his words out. Wanting to ask how he had lived with his mother. And what made him act like this.

To live while being in fear of being hated by others.

And Shou, if he ever had anything he wanted to do.

” Shou… How are you planning on living from now on? ”
” …..From now on, me? ”

Shou managed to squeeze some voice out as he looked like he was about to cry.

Shou must have thought he was throwing him away. ‘No matter, there was no way I could throw my cute grandson away, is there?!’ Katsuo felt like yelling that out as he hugged Shou in his arms but he knew that he can’t do that.

Katsuo knew. If he were to use words and theory to explain, nothing would change. Shou would doubt his words immediately and think that it would not be applicable to him.

And his ‘not letting people hate’ way of living would continue on.
Shou still had a long way to go.

And so, Katsuo did not want just a short period of comforting. In that case, he would need to pry open Shou’s mouth.

He wanted to know why Shou had become this way.

If he did, then Katsuo had the confidence to help this little kid who tended to pile and do everything himself.

” …..Can I know how you lived before? ”

To Katsuo, who asked timidly, Shou had answered with silence. Shou, sat there as he tried to make himself smaller, his face slightly pale. As Katsuo thought, Shou’s mother had not been doing a good job in raising this kid. He also knew he was forcing Shou to think back to a dark part of his life.

Katsuo did not urge Shou, he simply sat there, and after a while, Shou raised his head.

 

And then Shou began to speak, stuttering and stumbling over his words.
How, from the day he could think, his father was already not around.
How his mother, in order to raise him, worked throughout the day.
How, in order to help lessen his mother’s burden, and to make her happy, he would do all the housework as he gave his all in studying.
But Shou’s mother remained apathetic to him.
No matter how he gave his all, he was never praised. It was vexing. Heartbroken. Lonely.

 

Shou’s tiny body began trembling and from the way he stopped time and time again to take a deep breath, Katsuo knew he was trying not to cry. He almost couldn’t stand listening till the end.

” ……Mum, had hated me. I finally realized it…. When I asked why, Mu-mum, mum said that it was because she….. hated my face. My face… she hated it…. ”

Before he realized it, Katsuo had tears flowing down his face.

” Stupid….. Idiot… ”

Katsuo hugged Shou tightly. There is no child who would be okay after knowing their own mother hated them. And above being apathetic, she had rejected everything Shou had ever did just because of his face.

Shou had always been carrying this by himself.

He must be hurting. It must have affected in how he believed in people. And even so, he was always smiling, and while covering his face, he was always moving in way to avoid people hating him.

Normal kids would be broken by now.

This kid was really strong, Katsuo once again thought.

 

” So that’s why you wanted to cover your face? ”
” Because….. isn’t my face disgusting? ”

Katsuo’s face must look awful right now. From a normal perspective, Katsuo’s face was definitely the more disgusting one. But, he knew that it wouldn’t have any meaning in saying that.

” How so? Isn’t it cute? ”

As tears flowed down his face, Katsuo roughly rubbed Shou’s head.

” Shou, isn’t face simply one part of you? For example, if I am to undergo plastic surgery, I would still be me. No matter how I dress myself up, I am still me. Do you understand? ”

Shou gave a tiny nod.

” Then… let’s say there is a beautiful Onee-chan. She might hate the dressed-up and after-surgery me because she thinks that it doesn’t suit me. Another might like me because she thinks I might be rich because I have the money to do all that. And another might like me for me. ”

Katsuo took a breather.

” But, I am still me. Nothing changed. I might be trying to make some people like me but I am still me. In the end, it’s simply one factor. There is still a lot more. So, you are right. You can live on without your face. ”

Shou’s eyes trembled a bit.

No wait. Tears started spilling out of those eyes. It gathered under his eyes and not long, flowed down his face.

Shou suddenly moved.

” I tried my best! I know weaknesses can become a strong point for some people. Like how some comedians are great at making faces. But…. I’m scared! I can’t do anything! That’s why…. I am scared of being hated! ”

Katsuo smiled, his face wrinkling.

” Stupid, I am here, aren’t I? I don’t judge by face. Any grandson of mine is cute! ”
” That doesn’t make sense. You are not making any sense, Grandpa. ”

Saying that, Shou still had big fat tears falling down his cheeks but at the same time, the corners of his mouth rose and he laughed.

 

◆◆◆

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “109 – A Messed-Up Face

    1. seems to me he didn’t even try to go to the root of the problem
      it should be apparent that Shou’s mother hated his face cause it reminded her of her husband, not because it’s an ugly face

      it take one sentence to explain it, but everyone keep telling him “no you are not ugly” instead or explaining why the mother found it ugly personally

      Liked by 1 person

      1. His grandpa doesnt even tell him that he isnt ugly he just says that he can live with his face. No wonder he has so much issues

        Like

      2. Most people wouldn’t know what Shou’s father looked like, so obviously they wouldn’t know the root of the problem, and in turn wouldn’t be able to explain it to Shou..

        Like

  1. Thank you so much for translating!

    Also Im a bit new here. Just picked this novel up about 2 days ago and i cant put it down. Whats the current update schedule like?

    Like

    1. I usually post on both sat and sun. About 2 new chapters per week if all goes well.

      ….. I’m crazy so you might not get any Nee chapters for a month sometimes. Heheheheheheh.

      Like

  2. Apathy is practically my religion, normally only loli’s can bypass that. Yet here we are today, I get to the end and only one thought dominates my mind, “awww”

    Like

  3. It feels like pumkin-sama just slaped, kicked, curbstomped, raped and then set on fire all the feels…
    you MONSTER!!!! (T_T)

    Like

  4. Oh Shou.. 😭 *Hugs tight*
    Thanks for the chapter!
    By the way, what happens to the Grandpa later? Was he dead when Shou died?
    Because I remember Shou mentioning working multiple part-times for living expenses, and I don’t remember him worrying about his Grandpa being left all alone when he died..

    Like

  5. Thanks for the chapter. After reading this and last one in makes me believe that his having a dream. This is part is so called regret in left behind in Japan and never got over it. Now this dream or grandfather is telling him to move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is of course a theory but is the first king actually shous father??? It’s been on my mind for awhile now because shous father, if I got this right, seemed to have “disappeared” and the first king seemed to have been Japanese and suddenly appeared one day… Now I know Elzmu’s first king appeared 200 years ago but from what I could tell it seems that everything the first king introduced to everyone seemed to be things that 200 years ago in Japan probably didn’t exist… So it seem more modern. What if the time frames are different….? And maybe the god that killed Shou knew that’s why shou was reincarnated as will in another world one where there are traces of Japanese culture….. Any thoughts??

    Like

    1. That’s my plot twist I wrote in the last chapter, but I put in a more concrete evidence, shiro said they smell the same, how else could they smell the same unless they are father and child? Not to mention that school swimsuits didn’t exist 200 years ago in Japan so obviously the time in the 2 worlds flow differently

      Like

  7. I’M CRYING!!!! Who here thinks we should travel through time and space and shotgun his mom’s face before he starts to have memories so that he only knows good stories of his dead parents instead of having to deal with this? WHO’S WITH ME?!?!?! DEATH TO THE MATRIARCH!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Finally the truth about why he thinks his face is ugly… that moment when he can never ever see his true cuteness

    Like

  9. This horrible woman is not fit to be a mother… you traumatized your kid so badly that it even affects his reincarnation! That’s just awful.

    Like

  10. That’s a suspiciously long thing for a random recollection of a long since dead grandpa… I smell another reincarnate…

    Like

  11. Wow…… this reminds me about myself. In my family im being hated bc im fat. Im bullied in my entire school life from playgroup until now,high school again bc im fat. Then bc of all of that bullying i become stress,sick and couple of times trying to slit my wrist now im out from school and still bc of my family im still stress. So i know the feeling of insecurity anxious and others

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s